False Hope
by AxCfangirl
Summary: Meer hoped that by helping the Chairman, she could help people, help save the world. She hoped she could become her idol and live happily ever after with her Prince Charming. She believed she was giving hopes to people. However, all the hopes might be just false hopes after all.
English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

And for your information, my fic is based on the remastered version (but I watched the original version, too).

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

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 **False Hope**

* * *

Lacus Clyne was Meer's idol. She was the reason why Meer took serious interest in singing in the first place. Although she had always liked to sing, she had never really thought about being a singer until she learned about Lacus.

It was her classmate that first introduced the songstress to Meer. The girl loved listening to songs and knew much more songs than anyone Meer knew, though she wasn't really good at singing herself and too embarrassed to sing in front of people. They weren't exactly close friends, but she always praised Meer's singing and said that she wished she could sing like Meer, which always made her feel flattered.

One day, she told Meer about her new favorite singer, who happened to be the daughter of Chairman Clyne, and added her voice sounded similar to Meer's. It stimulated Meer's interest and she asked if she could listen to a song of the singer. Her friend gladly let Meer use her music player. Meer was as fascinated with Lacus Clyne's song as the girl and purchased her songs immediately.

She fell more in love with Lacus, finding out how beautiful and graceful she was. She watched all music videos and news videos which captured Lacus along with her father again and again. Lacus was so perfect, like an angel or a goddess: her voice, her appearance, her way of talking and moving.

Meer worshiped her, and it made her greatly pleased and proud that she had a similar voice to Lacus's. She believed it was her fate. She was destined to be a singer like Lacus, and hopefully meet her someday and become friends.

It became a habit for her to imagine what her first encounter with Lacus would be like. What should she say? What should she do? How should she act? She had to make it pleasant and memorable for Lacus so that she would want to become friends with Meer.

Would she tell Lacus that she was her number one fan and how much she loved her and her songs? It sounded like a good idea at first. But, after some thinking, she decided against it. Lacus must hear something like that every day and from everyone. Meer wouldn't be able to make an impression on her. She had to let Lacus know that she was special. That she knew and understood Lacus more than anyone...well, anyone who didn't personally know her, at least. That she was different from others. That as much as she adored Lacus, she would treat her as a friend, not an idol.

But how could she do that? Telling Lacus that she could be a good friend to her wouldn't work, obviously. Anyone could and would say that. She racked her brain for the answer. She kept wondering day and night, except during singing lessons which she had started to take as the first step to her dream. Would she act indifferently to Lacus? Even ignore her, maybe? But she was afraid it might offend Lacus and she would lose the chance to become her friend forever. Besides, she would be super-excited when she finally met Lacus face-to-face for the first time, and it would be impossible to conceal her excitement.

Then, an idea popped up in her mind. How about calling her Lacus-san, not Lacus-sama like everyone else did? Lacus would surely notice the difference, right? It probably could get her interested in Meer. And she might even approach Meer, not Meer approaching her! It might be going to be Lacus that asked if they could be friends!

The thought of being asked by Lacus to become her friend got Meer so excited that she could hardly sleep that night. She was sure they would be best friends, best of best, someday regardless of which of them asked first, though she preferred it if it was Lacus. Well, there was nothing wrong with hoping, right?

She might be able to perform a duet with Lacus. Or even better, they could be a duo! Although Meer liked to sing up-tempo songs with lively dancing, which was completely different from Lacus's slow and elegant songs coupled with no dancing, she was confident that they could work something out. Maybe she could talk Lacus into dancing and wearing something more casual and a little sexy. In that way, Lacus would be even more popular. And she would be the one who had helped Lacus! Her hope was going up, and she threw herself into singing lessons.

She was extremely shocked when Lacus was charged with treason. There was no way, just no way Lacus could've committed such a crime! Her Lacus would never do it! She was so appalled that she couldn't bring herself to even sing. But then she heard Lacus on the radio, appealing to PLANT citizens that they should stop fighting against Naturals and start to work towards building peace.

Now, it all made sense to her. Lacus had not betrayed her country and Coordinators. She was only acting on her belief that both Coordinators and Naturals were humans who could coexist peacefully. She was so gentle and loving that she couldn't bear with all this fighting. She was too compassionate to hate Naturals, as many Coordinators did.

It was exactly like the Lacus she knew, who had always advocated peace, peace for both the living and the dead. But some people didn't like what Lacus was saying and falsely accused her of treason. Yes, that must be it. She knew that was it.

Even though she knew about the Bloody Valentine, Meer didn't really hate Naturals. No one close to her had died there or during the war after that. To her, the war was something surreal. So she didn't feel much hesitation to agree with Lacus. To be honest, she had somewhat disliked and disdained Naturals. But Lacus was right; she always was. Meer shouldn't feel like that. Coordinators and Naturals should accept each other and live in peace with each other. It was the right thing, wasn't it? Not just because Lacus said so, but she really thought so, too.

She felt good that she and Lacus shared the same view. She had been right that she understood Lacus better than most people. She believed that someday everyone would understand Lacus—and she—was right, and the war would come to an end. And it did.

When she found out Lacus had led a warship and played an important role in ending the war, she was marveled at her bravery. She came to admire Lacus more, and she was hugely disappointed Lacus disappeared from the public eye after the war. Lacus stopped singing, and no one knew where she had gone though there were many rumors.

Meer was sad, and actually cried for a while. Her dream to become best friends and a duo with Lacus didn't seem to ever come true. But she was still determined to become a singer. She wouldn't stop singing just because her idol had. She loved singing as much as she loved Lacus. Yes, it was Lacus who had given her the dream to be a singer. But it was her dream, and she would follow and achieve it.

Besides, with Lacus gone, she hoped she could become the most popular singer in PLANT, the next Lacus Clyne.

However, her dream was almost shattered into pieces when a music agent, whom she met at a talent show she participated in, told her she had a little hope to become a popular singer like Lacus. He bluntly said she wasn't pretty enough, and her singing wasn't that good, either.

She fumed with rage. Who did he think he was?! Of course she knew she wasn't a beauty like Lacus, and might not be as talented as her. But she still had some talent, right? She was good enough to be a professional singer, right? Sure, she had not been doing very well on talent shows. But it wasn't her fault! She was actually better than some of those who had won the shows. It was just that the judges were a bunch of idiots like the music agent.

She had been suspecting her lack of beauty might be the reason why she had lost the shows. Well, it must be. Because it was the only possible reason. She was a talented singer who just had a run of bad luck. If only she could find a music agent or a talent show judge who cared more about her singing than her appearance, she could become a professional singer, a very popular one. She could. She knew she could.

She was angry and hurt when her parents insinuated it was best for her to consider taking another path; she still could sing as a hobby. She couldn't believe her own parents were doing this to her. Even her parents were like those stupid music agents and judges! She knew they had not really liked her choice of career. But she had thought they still had faith in her and would support her no matter what!

She would never give up! Never!

Meer felt the doubt creep into her mind and desperately ignored it. No, what they said wasn't true! She was a talented singer! She could be popular like Lacus! She just needed someone, anyone, who would believe in her.

It was then that a strange offer came. From none other than the Chairman! She didn't accept it right on the spot, of course. It was absolutely suspicious. And she had to give up her current life if she took the job. She had to leave her home, family, and friends.

But wasn't it worth it? She could become Lacus! Not just _like_ Lacus. She could perform in front of millions of people.

And more importantly, what was so important about her life, the life of Meer Campbell? It was boring and nothing special.

No one had faith in Meer. No one had recognized her talent. Except the Chairman. Even though he had chosen her because her voice was similar to Lacus's, he wouldn't have if he had not thought she could sing just as well as Lacus. He wouldn't have chosen her if he had not had faith in her, right? Then, why wouldn't she help him? Why would she miss such a big chance, possibly the only chance she could have?

Furthermore, she wasn't going to sing only to entertain people. She was going to sing to give hopes to them, to help maintain peace. Wasn't it what Lacus would do? By doing this, she could help not only the Chairman, but also Lacus, right? Although she had grown out of her fantasy of becoming Lacus's best friend, Lacus was still her idol. And the idea that she could be of help, such big help, to Lacus thrilled her.

Yes, she would take this job. She would do this, not only for herself, but for Lacus, for the Chairman, and for everyone else. She would be Lacus Clyne, even only for a little while.

* * *

When she heard about her idol's engagement with Athrun Zala for the first time, Meer wasn't happy about it. Actually, she was strongly against it.

She knew nothing about the boy except that he was the son of Patrick Zala. She had seen the intimidating man on the news several times. If the boy was his son, he must be just like that. She was horrified at the thought of her Lacus being engaged to a boy who was aggressive and cold. She could clearly picture Lacus in the future: her lovely face stained with tears, her once-dazzling eyes clouded with unhappiness, her angelic smile gone forever and replaced by the sad and forced one.

Oh, no. It couldn't happen! It shouldn't! Somebody had to save her! Meer became almost panicked and depressed that there was nothing she could do for her idol. She looked out from the window and wished on one star after another that a knight in a shining armor or a prince would show up and save Pink Princess from the clutches of Evil Guy.

However, her opinion on the engagement turned 180 degrees when she found a picture of Lacus and Athrun in a celebrity magazine. Athrun was nothing like his father. He was a cute boy with a shy and tender smile on his face. He and Lacus looked totally perfect together, as if they were right out of fairy tales. He wasn't Evil Guy. He was the knight in shining armor, Lacus's Prince Charming!

Meer was now very excited about the newly engaged couple. It became another habit of hers to imagine how they were as a couple. What did they talk about? What did they do together? What did they call each other? He certainly didn't call her Lacus-sama or Miss Clyne, right? He was her fiancé! They must call each other by their first names: Lacus, and Athrun.

Lacus and Athrun. It sounded perfect. They were the names that belonged together.

Then, she voiced only his name. Athrun. She liked the sound of it and said it several times more. It perfectly fit the perfect prince. Being Lacus's fiancé, he must be as perfect as Lacus. He must be smart and strong, yet gentle and sweet. He would give her lots of presents, chocolates and flowers probably, and whisper "I love you" to her ear as often as possible.

She sighed dreamily. It must feel really wonderful to have such a sweet fiancé. He would do anything for her, right? She really wanted to see their interaction with her own eyes. Probably she could after she became friends with Lacus. As Lacus's best friend, she was bound to meet Athrun, and hopefully to be friends with him, too!

When Athrun's father deemed Lacus a traitor, some of Meer's friends who also adored the couple became worried. Now that Lacus was Athrun's enemy, would he capture her, even shoot her? Meer insisted that would never happen. Her Athrun would never hurt Lacus. Even if his father ordered him to.

She felt extremely proud and satisfied when it was revealed to the public that Athrun had defected from ZAFT to join Lacus, even though it meant fighting against his own father. She had known it! It was just like she had thought! He would do anything for her!

Since both Lacus and Athrun disappeared after the war, she naturally concluded they had gone somewhere together to live secretly and peacefully, having their happily ever after. What other possibilities could there be?

With them, her dream to meet them someday had disappeared, and she had not thought she could meet Athrun for real. Even when the Chairman said she probably would be able to, she still had doubts.

But she met him. Actually. In person. A part of her dream came true. The real Athrun wasn't exactly what she had imagined. Although he was much more handsome than pictures, he wasn't as kind or charming as she had expected. He was rather distant and morose. He hardly smiled or talked, and seemed to have no interest in her, even as a friend.

However, it didn't bother her much. They had just met, after all. Naturally, it took time to get along well, especially since she was impersonating his fiancée. But she was pretty sure he would understand the reason why she and the Chairman were doing this. Why wouldn't he? It was for the greater good, for PLANT, and for peace. Of course, he would understand! He was the fiancé of Lacus Clyne, the Songstress of Peace. He would understand this was what Lacus would do, right?

Meer didn't doubt that, like she had not doubted he would choose Lacus over his father. In time, he would open up to her, and they would become close. He would treat her as nicely as he did Lacus. He had to. She was the Lacus Clyne now, wasn't she? She was his fiancée. At least for now. They just needed time. But it wasn't easy for them to spend time together. He was assigned to a warship, and she was on a mission to visit military bases to cheer up the soldiers.

She got excited after hearing she would meet Athrun at her next destination. She was determined to get closer to him, to make him like her. What should she do? She wouldn't have much time with him. She would meet him at evening after her concert, and had to already leave the next morning. They could have a dinner and a breakfast together, but it certainly wasn't enough.

Then, her talent manager who had been assigned by the Chairman, overhearing her muttering to herself, suggested using her sexiness to get what she wanted. Was there a better way to attract a man than putting on sexy clothes? He assured her that her body was attractive and any man would want her. All she needed was a sexy dress, maybe lingerie.

She was flattered, but uncertain at first. Not many men had found her attractive. But that had been then and this was now, she told herself. She was different now. She wasn't what she had been anymore. And she would prove it. To herself. To Athrun.

She would seduce him; they would make out and possibly go all the way. She wouldn't mind it. He would be sweet, gentle, and loving. It would be the best night of her life. And maybe, just maybe, he could fall in love with her! He wouldn't have loved her old self, but he could and would love her now, right? Lacus's Prince Charming...no, her Prince Charming, because she was Lacus now. He was her Prince Charming and he would be in love with her!

She was disappointed and a little angry when he coldly and impolitely rejected her. She couldn't understand. He wasn't supposed to act like that. Maybe he still loved Lacus. Maybe it was too early for them to make love. But still, he wasn't supposed to be that rude and heartless. He was supposed to be kinder, gentler, and more considerate. She was his fiancée, for crying out loud!

But she wouldn't give up, of course. She knew it wasn't easy to get her Prince Charming. She had to overcome obstacles and trials, like all heroines of fairy tales and romance movies did. But if she worked hard on it, she could be successful.

She might not have been able to achieve her goal, if she had stayed as her old self: Meer Campbell, the plain girl who had nothing special except her voice similar to that of the most famous songstress in PLANT. But she wasn't her anymore. Now, she was the songstress who had everything: beauty, charm, brains, bravery, talent, and a handsome and talented fiancé. The most special girl who was loved, admired, and respected by many people. She could do anything and have everything she wanted. She would get Athrun, and live happily ever after with him. She would never give up. Never.

She had never imagined Athrun, of all people, would prevent her from achieving her dream. He was supposed to be helping her, working with her, not getting in her way!

She couldn't understand. Why did he refuse to help the Chairman anymore? Why couldn't he accept she was Lacus now? Why did he want to run away? It wasn't supposed to be happening. He wasn't supposed to act like that. He wasn't supposed to _be_ like that. He was supposed to understand the Chairman was right and help him. He was supposed to love her and live happily ever after with her. Why couldn't he understand that?!

To make matters worse, she overheard someone reporting to the Chairman that the mobile suit Athrun had piloted had been shot down. No, it wasn't true! It wasn't supposed to have happened! He wasn't supposed to die! Something was seriously wrong, but she didn't know what it was.

Maybe...maybe this was one of the trials she had to overcome? He had left her and been shot down. But he had survived, right? And he would come back, right? She just had to believe in him and wait for him. Then, Athrun would come back to her, apologize to her, and beg her to take him back. She would smile at him sweetly and tell him he was already forgiven. He would be moved to tears, hold her tight, and kiss her passionately. And they would finally get their happily ever after.

It would be like that, right? Because it was the way the future was supposed to be. There would always be a happy ending, right? For the princess and the prince. For her and Athrun. They were supposed to live happily ever after.

She held onto the hope. It was the only thing she could do. She just hoped it wouldn't take long for Athrun to realize his mistakes and come back to her waiting arms.

* * *

Although she was sure what Gilbert Dullindal said was right, it didn't mean Meer could understand everything he said. If she was completely honest with herself, she couldn't understand most of it. She wasn't good at politics. She had never been interested or wanted to take part in it.

And it was okay, right? It wasn't her job, anyway. She knew that being Lacus Clyne, she had to get involved in politics to some extent. But her job was appealing to people, explaining Chairman Dullindal's intention and how right he was, not dealing with politicians. She didn't even write her speech.

It wasn't like she was just a puppet, of course not! She spoke those words given to her because she agreed with them. She agreed with Chairman Dullindal.

It was just that it wasn't her job or her talent to write a moving, convincing speech. Her job and her talent were singing, and acting. She had never known she was good at acting until she had started this job as Lacus Clyne. No one had ever doubted she was real Lacus Clyne, which made her feel smug. Maybe someday she could be not only a singer, but also an actress. The thought gave her a feeling of triumph. She was, after all, more talented than Lacus, right? Not only could she sing and appeal to people as well as Lacus, she could act, too!

She started to wonder if her achievements weren't bigger than Lacus's, either. Sure, Lacus had stopped a war. But she was helping the Chairman build eternal peace, eliminating war altogether. It was certainly a greater achievement than ending only one war, right? Furthermore, Lacus had mostly appealed to people of PLANT and been popular only among them. But she had appealed to people all over the world and gained worldwide popularity.

In the future, everyone would remember _her_. What Lacus Clyne did during the Second Bloody Valentine War, not during the First Bloody Valentine War. The Lacus Clyne everyone would praise forever was her, not Lacus. Because she was Lacus Clyne now. She hadn't been before. Lacus Clyne hadn't been her before. But now she was. She was Lacus; Lacus was her. Her name would go down in history along with the name of Chairman Dullindal.

To tell the truth, she had not been feeling completely comfortable with the Chairman. Even though he seemed like a generous and sympathetic man at first glance, she had come to suspect he wasn't really like that inside. Not entirely, at least. She had felt there was something terrifying in him. Something like...cruelty?

But it wasn't necessarily bad, right? Something like that was essential to build peace, right? Like someone had to take a gun and shoot the enemy. As a chairman, he had to have some coldness. Otherwise he couldn't do his job, right? He had to order the soldiers to kill people or destroy cities if that was what needed to be done. If they chose to fight against them, against the right side. That was what he said.

She had never thought the cruelty of the Chairman would—could—be directed toward her or someone important to her. Until Athrun warned her so. Until Chairman Dullindal had him killed.

She didn't believe Athrun was dead. He had to be alive. But...if he was really alive, it still didn't change the fact that the Chairman had given an order, or at least a permission, to kill him, right?

No, he hadn't! There had been some mistakes, misunderstandings! There must have! Chairman Dullindal had never intended Athrun to die. He had never wanted him to! And he would never intend, or want, her to die...would he? He would never do that to her, right? Right?

She wanted to believe it. She desperately tried to believe it. But Athrun's words sometimes—often—echoed in her mind. _"The Chairman only wants a Lacus he can use to his benefit. And when he's finished with you, you will be killed!"_ No! It wasn't true! It couldn't be true! Athrun had been mistaken. He had misunderstood something.

No matter how hard or how many times she told herself so, she couldn't erase doubts from her mind. She spent many sleepless nights; she put considerable effort into her job, much more than before. If she was doing her job perfectly well, nothing would happen, right? She didn't have to find out if Athrun's words had any grain of truth in them.

However, effort didn't guarantee success. The day she had been being afraid of came. The day of her failure.

After the failed attack on Orb, the only thing she felt was fear. It wasn't the fear she had felt when she had come across real Lacus Clyne stealing a shuttle. It wasn't the fear that her fame and glory would be taken away from her. It was a stronger and more urgent fear. It was a fear that her life would be taken.

Seeing Lacus standing next to the Orb's leader, she was confused at first. She couldn't understand what was going on. Lacus wasn't supposed to be there. Orb was on the evil side. It had harbored one of the most evil people in the world and fought against ZAFT. It opposed building peace between Coordinators and Naturals. Lacus should be fighting against it, not for it.

Why was Lacus doing this? Why did she disagree with the Chairman? Lacus had to agree with him. What he was doing was right...wasn't it? She had always thought Lacus would. That was why she had helped the Chairman. No. No, it wasn't. It wasn't the reason. She had helped him because _she_ had thought he was right. And he was right, right? She had been doing the right thing, right? Because she was Lacus. She was the Lacus Clyne who was always right. So she was right. _She_ was Lacus, not the other girl, because she was on the right side, right? Chairman Dullindal was right because she, the Lacus Clyne, was on his side; she was the Lacus Clyne because she was on the right side, the Chairman's side. Right?

While her mind was in turmoil and she couldn't say anything, the broadcast was cut off.

Then it hit her. She had failed. She had not been able to accomplish what the Chairman expected her to. She had failed him. What...what if Athrun had been right? What if the Chairman decided she was useless now? Would he kill her? No. No, he wouldn't do it, right? Because...because she was Lacus. She was the Lacus Clyne. ...But did it matter? Did it matter to him whether she was Lacus or not? After all, he had killed Athrun, hadn't he?

Her body was trembling, and her legs gave way beneath her. Sitting on the floor helplessly, she prayed to stars and all gods and goddesses she knew that Athrun would come to rescue her, take her to somewhere safe and peaceful, and whisper reassuringly to her that nothing was going to happen to her because he would protect her. That her Prince Charming would save her in time. Or anyone. Of course, she would prefer it if it was Athrun, but she didn't really care who it was as long as someone saved her.

But no one came to her rescue, and she had to go meet the Chairman. She was so frightened that she nearly fainted hearing him assure her that she had nothing to worry about. So...it meant she had been worrying over nothing, right? Chairman Dullindal wasn't the cruel man like she had thought, or Athrun had said. He wouldn't kill or harm her, right?

It meant that Athrun had been wrong. That the Chairman was right, doing the right thing, right? Then, she had been doing the right thing, too, right? She had helped save the world. She had given people hopes and helped them greatly. Just like she had hoped. Right? Chairman Dullindal said so. She had achieved what she had hoped to do.

But...what if the Chairman was wrong? What if what he was doing was wrong? What if what _she_ had been doing was wrong? Because she had been wrong, hadn't she? She had thought Lacus would agree with him and help him. But it clearly wasn't the case. What if Lacus was right? Because she was always right, wasn't she? No, _she_ was Lacus now. So what the other girl thought or said didn't matter...did it?

The Chairman was right, wasn't he? He had to. Because...if Chairman Dullindal, the very person who had made her Lacus Clyne, was wrong, then it meant she wasn't Lacus. So he must be right.

But then again, did it matter? Even if he was right, did he still believe in her? Wasn't he sending her away? Didn't it mean he had lost faith in her? And if he, the only person who had ever put faith in her, lost it, could she still be Lacus? Could she be _anything_? Without Chairman Dullindal, without the name of Lacus Clyne he had given her, what would she be?

* * *

Meer Campbell. That was the name she had used for seventeen years.

Lacus Clyne. That was the name she had used for last several months.

She didn't know which was her real name anymore. She didn't know what the names meant. Whom they belonged to. Which name she belonged to. Was it Meer because she had used it for a longer time? Was it Lacus because she had wanted it and been holding onto it so badly? Was it Meer because it was the first name given to her? Was it Lacus because under the name, she had been much more loved and needed?

What made a name your real name? Was it the one you had chosen? Was it the one you had been given? Was it the one that represented who you really were? But how would you figure out who you really were? How could you tell which was your true self? Was it the person people wanted you to be? Or the person you wanted to be? Was it the one with duty? Was it the one with dreams? But whose duty? Whose dreams? Lacus's? Meer's?

She had wanted to be Lacus, hadn't she? Then, wasn't her real name Lacus? But who was the person that had wanted to be Lacus? Wasn't it Meer? She was Lacus now because Meer had wanted it, right? What did it make her? Meer Campbell? Lacus Clyne?

Who was Meer Campbell? An ordinary girl who had been trying to be special?

Who was Lacus Clyne? A special girl who was perfect and always right, like a goddess, like something not human?

What was Lacus Clyne? An idol? A role? A tool?

What did it mean to be Lacus Clyne? She had thought she had known it. She didn't think she knew it.

To be Lacus meant she was right? Or she had to be right even when she was actually wrong? To be Lacus meant she was perfect? Or she had to be perfect even when she actually wasn't? To be Lacus meant she had to always do what people wanted her to because it was the right thing to do?

It was the right thing to comply with the expectations for you, right? It was the happiness, wasn't it? To live up to expectations. To fill the role you were given. To accomplish what you were assigned to do. That was what made you happy, wasn't it? Chairman Dullindal had said so. Then it was true, right?

But what about dreams? Her dreams. Lacus's dreams and Meer's dreams. Did they mean nothing? Then, what had she been doing? She had thought she had been trying to achieve her dreams. Lacus's dream to build a peaceful world where Coordinators and Naturals could live happily together. Meer's dream to become a popular singer and be loved by people. Their dream to give people hopes so that they could believe in the future. All of them meant nothing? If so, what was it that she had been trying to achieve? Why had she done what she had done? What had she achieved?

She had been hoping that her dreams would come true. That she could make them come true. Had she been wrong? The hopes she had held onto. The hopes she had given to people. All of them were just false hopes? Had it all been an illusion? She and the Chairman had been wrong and Athrun was now dead and she wasn't Lacus and there was no future for them, for her? Was she going to die, like Athrun had said? All this time, she had been holding onto an illusion?

Then, what was she? Was she a fool? A puppet? A liar? A deceiver? Had she been just an imposter—not anyone, not even Meer—all along? Wasn't it worse than being Meer, an ordinary girl, a nobody? And she was going to die as something like that? Was it her fate after all?

No! No! No! It wasn't true! It couldn't be true! It shouldn't be true! She wasn't nobody, or something worse than that. She was someone special. She had been right. She had done nothing wrong. She was going to be all right. She would be praised and loved again. Because, like the Chairman had said, she had done a great job. A wonderful job.

But had _she_ really done it? Or had Lacus done it? Sure, she had not been able to do it without Lacus's reputation and popularity. But it was she that actually had done all of it. Not Lacus. So it was her achievement, right? No, it was wrong. It was Lacus's. Lacus had done all of that. Because she was Lacus, right? She was the Lacus Clyne who was always right. So what she had done was right. And she had done it, so she was Lacus. She was Lacus, so Lacus had done it.

...But then what had Meer done? Had she done nothing? Nothing at all? Because she was a worthless person who was needed by no one and could achieve nothing, just like she had been secretly afraid?

But why would she care anyway? So what if Meer was nothing? It didn't matter to her, did it? If she was Lacus, she didn't have to care about it, right? It didn't mean anything to her, right? ...Then why did it hurt so much to think Meer was nothing?

She pulled out a photograph. There was a girl with long dark hair: Meer Campbell. She didn't know why she had kept it. Why she had taken it with her in the first place when she had left her home. What did it mean to her now? But she somehow couldn't throw it away.

Gazing at the girl's smiling face, she felt deeply sad. If she was Lacus, where was this girl now? She no longer existed? She was gone forever? Because now no one was Meer? Because no one cared about Meer and looked for her? And no one would remember Meer?

Was this really what Meer had wanted? Was this really what she wanted? ...It had to. Because...because if it wasn't, then what had she done? What had she become? She was Lacus because Meer had wanted to become Lacus. If Meer had not wanted it…then what was she? She couldn't be an imposter, worse than nobody. She couldn't bear the thought. She had to be Lacus. So Meer had to have wanted this. This had to be what Meer had wanted, what she wanted.

She had already made a choice. She couldn't take it back now. It had to be right, and she had to stick to it. Meer was gone now. It had been her decision. It had been right. It had to. She had to want this. She had to want to be Lacus.

So she had to get rid of the other girl, right? It was the only choice she had now, right? To have her killed and become the only Lacus Clyne. If the other girl was gone, she could really become Lacus this time, right? Then, she didn't have to wonder who she was or think about Meer anymore, right? The Chairman would put faith in her again and everything would go back to the way it had been before the other girl had appeared, right? She finally could have what she had wanted and be happy, right? That was what she wanted…right? Right?

Yelling and pointing a gun at the other pink-haired girl, however, she found a part of her crying. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Her first encounter with Lacus should be a pleasant one, not like this. This wasn't how she had wanted to meet Lacus. This wasn't how she wanted Lacus to see her.

Lacus was supposed to be her idol, not her competitor or her enemy. She _was_ her idol. Why did it have to be this way? Why had things turned out this way? Where had it all gone wrong? Where had she made a mistake? What had she done wrong?

No…this wasn't what she had wanted. Not at all. This wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to fight against Lacus, or Athrun. She didn't want to hate them. She had never wanted it.

The part of her was extremely relieved and glad when Athrun shot the gun out of her hand. However, another part of her was devastated. She had failed. She had failed Chairman Dullindal, again. She had failed the mission to be Lacus Clyne. She had failed to do what needed to be done. She had not been able to become Lacus. She was a failure. She was worse than nobody. As Meer was gone and she had failed to become Lacus, she was no one. No one at all.

Then, she heard something unbelievable. Did Lacus just say she could have her name? And her face? Did it mean she could be Lacus after all? But it wasn't what Lacus meant. What Lacus said next pierced her mind: "But still, you and I are two different people. It will not change. None of us can become anything but ourselves."

...Probably it was true. She admitted it for the first time. Probably she could never be Lacus, no matter how hard she tried. She couldn't be strong, brave, and generous like this. She couldn't kill Lacus even if it was essential to be Lacus Clyne. Even if it was what needed to be done. Because she didn't want to do it. It wasn't what she wanted. It wasn't what she had wanted.

"Your dreams belong to you. Sing them, for yourself." The voice was soothing and the words sank into her mind. What was her dream? What had she dreamed? What had she wanted?

She…had not wanted to be Lacus. She had wanted to be her friend, and possibly her partner. She had not wanted to take Lacus's place. She had wanted to be at her side. She had not wanted to kill Lacus. She had wanted to meet her and introduce herself as Meer Campbell. She had not wanted to hate Lacus. She had wanted to...no, _had_ loved her. And she had wanted to help Lacus, as Meer.

She had wanted people to listen to her songs, Meer's songs. She had wanted them to recognize and praise her, Meer. She had wanted to be needed and loved as Meer. That was what she had truly wanted.

And now, having finally realized what she had wanted, she knew what her real name was, who she really was.

She knew she had been wrong. She wouldn't be no one even if she couldn't become Lacus. Because no one could become anything but themselves, right? She couldn't become anything but herself, and so she was herself. She had always been. Meer hadn't gone anywhere. Meer had been here all along.

And not all of her hopes were false hopes, after all. She saved Lacus and thus helped save the world, right? She was sure Lacus was one of the people who would save the world and build peace, like she already had once. She had helped Lacus achieve such an important work, right? She had met Lacus, and Athrun, and let them know about her. Her dreams had come true.

Her idol and her Prince Charming were looking at her, weeping for her. She no longer wanted to become her or live happily ever after with him. It was something that was never going to happen. Now she knew it. She just wanted them to remember her. Her songs. Her dreams. Her existence.

"Meer-san!"

"Meer!"

Closing her eyes, she heard them call out her name. Yes, that was her name. She was Meer. Meer Campbell. The girl who had done many things, big and little, good and bad. But whatever it was, it was she who had done it. It was Meer who had done all of them. Because she had always been Meer even when she had been desperately trying to become someone else. She had done all of them as Meer Campbell, and was dying as Meer Campbell. And she would be remembered as Meer Campbell.

Meer hoped she would, and she knew for sure that her hope, her last hope, would come true.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

I got the idea while writing my another fanfic "Hope for Tomorrow" which was Meyrin-centric. That's why there are some similarities.

I was comparing Meyrin to Meer. I think they are similar in some way. Both of them seem like an ordinary girl you can find in your school, unlike Cagalli and Lacus. And both seem to be the dreamy, romantic type. However, while I see Meyrin as a person who knows when to give up wishful thinking and accept the reality, I see Meer as a person who tends to keep clinging to false hopes, not really knowing when or how to accept the reality.

Thus this fic was born.

···

Someone pointed out in a review of "Hope for Tomorrow" that I tend to get redundant. I agree. And this fic contains more redundancy than it. I know it's tiring to read, not to mention it's quite long. Believe me, I know.

It's partly because that's my writing style and I can't help it. I guess I need more practice.

But I also made it like that intentionally, at least partly. Because I believe that's how our mind works when we are trying to accept what we don't really want to or trying to deny what we know is true. We keep thinking like "Is it true? No, it can't be. But what if it's true? It shouldn't be! Please tell me it's not! But it might be..." We go back and forth between denial and acceptance, and through the process, we learn to accept it. And that's what I tried to write.

But I know it could be pretty boring and annoying. I understand if you gave up. And I'm really grateful to those who kept reading till the end. Thank you very much for your patience.

* * *

 ***edited 02/02/17***


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